Uncertain Times

I have worked, for the same company, since 1997.  Things are really shaky right now.  I was so fortunate, to not have to worry about my job, back when the economy tanked.  We really didn't notice it at all, in my department.  But now it's different.  And scary.  The thought of loosing my job terrifies me.  What would my family do?  My income is vital.  How would we have insurance? Obamacare - that's scary on its own.

I'm feeling so troubled right now.  My soul is weary and scared.  I want so badly to just be at peace with my life.  But I'm not.  I'm struggling. Bad.  I'm struggling to find happiness.  I'm struggling to just enjoy my family.  Ugh.  It's stressful.

I'm praying for some really big things right now.  I desperately need some peace.  And clarity.  If you read this, will say a little prayer for me?  God knows.

Crazy December Weather

It's December 21st and it's 74 degrees outside!  I just had to turn the AC on in the house.  We are predicted to have severe storms, possibly tornadoes, this evening and into tomorrow.  This kind of weather makes me so nervous.  Being from the South, we are no strangers to just exactly the kind of damage a tornado can do.  I pray that all in the storms path will be safe! 

It makes it hard to do Christmas type activities when it's 75 degrees out too!  If I weren't so pasty white, I would put on shorts.  But I'll spare anyone that may have to look at me today.

Are you in the paths of severe storms today?

A year... Really

Oh wow, I can't believe it has been almost a year since I posted.  I honestly didn't think it had been that long!  This year has truly flown by. I really do want to start putting down my thoughts here.  It's just for me anyway. 
 
I turned 39 a month ago. I'm working on a 40 before 40 list of things I would like to do over the year.  Nothing crazy.  Just random things.  I'll post it when I'm finished and then I can keep up with I have actually done.  Could be fun.
 
More to come.  Soon.

Have You Read...

If  you read this will you leave me a comment?  I have some more ideas I would like to blog about but I wonder if there is anyone reading.  Thanks and have a Blessed New Year!

I'm Doing It!

Going to the gym.  For the first time, in well, forever really.  I've NEVER belonged to a gym.  But tonight, while it's raining and cold outside, and my house is literally a disaster, I am going to the gym.  With my youngests' Ipod since I've the lost the cord to mine, a bottle of water and FEAR!

I really just like to walk, at a track, around my neighbor hood etc...  So this time I'll be on a treadmill, if I can get it to work. I'm going alone, so no one to talk too, hence the Ipod!  Maybe I'll try a bike and an elliptical.  Surely to the Lord I can make one of them work.

30 minutes.  That's all I am holding myself too tonight.  If I can do that, today, I will feel accomplished :)  I actually plan to go all weekend.   And maybe twice but probably only once during the week.  

How do you fit it all in?  I work outside the home, commute for about an hour each way, work 10 hr days but I know I'm not alone.   So tell me : How do you do it??

No Words

Just an OK mom...

I heard this comment made on one of the new "reality" tv shows. The mother-to-be, a young 17 year old, actually said that she thought she would be an OK mom, not good or bad but OK, just like her mom.

Hmmm...

I laughed at first but then thought for a while. Am I just an OK mom? I mean what is "good" mom vs. just an OK mom?

Isn't it easy to compare yourself to other mothers? When their perfectly dressed, well mannered, first-place-at-everything child makes YOU question your own mothering. I know I try to be a GREAT mom but honestly, sometimes I probably am just OK.

I'm guilty of not paying full attention to every single detail of my baby girl's day. She's very detail oriented? :) Sometimes I'm happy to see my 19 year old head out the door just so I can be home alone. I don't make big fancy meals, I catch my self calling home to see what everyone wants me to pick-up too often. The house gets totally messy, I leave for work before anyone else is up and get home just in time to cook, clean-up, have a break down over multiplication facts and then finally try to sleep. Unless insomnia sets in. But that's for another day.

But then I realize my kids are happy. They are great kids really. Very well mannered, smart, respectful, honest, hardworking and they are better than OK kids. So I think I've done pretty dang at this mothering thing. We are sure far from perfect but I wouldn't want us to be either.

So I have to stop beating myself up, about my family not livivng up to the pictures you see of "perfect" families. We are all OK just like we are. Not good, not bad but to me, better than OK :)