Disgust

Do you ever just feel disgusted with yourself?  Man I do. Frequently.

Tonight I am disgusted that I have managed to gain all of the weight I lost 7 years ago.  Seriously, how did that happen?  Stress. Contentment. Laziness. Good food.  Yep that about sums it up.

Seven years ago I went through a devastating divorce.  My youngest child wasn't even two years old yet.  I was still carrying around baby weight and weight gained, thanks to fertility drugs.  And then I found myself single and FAT.  So with the help of a great doctor and a lot of hard work I lost 40 pounds.  It was FABULOUS.  And I've kept it off, until last year.

But the last year has been hard. 

Four years ago I remarried.  And it was wonderful, it still is.  But 2011 was trying.  Hubs & I separated, worked things out, then on December 2nd, our house burned to the ground.  Yeah that will stress you out.  I took that month off from work and COOKED.  A LOT.  And felt sorry for myself.  A lot.  And suddenly I'm right back to the weight I was in 2005.

I've tried to ignore it and act like it isn't happening.  But when I look in the mirror I see the fat girl that ate Stacey :)  SO tomorrow, I am starting a diet.  That dreaded word.  I hope I can do it on my on.  I am giving myself 30 day and then, if I don't see any progress, I'm going back to the doctor.

I tried to convince myself that I am OK with myself, as I am.  But I'm not.  I'm disgusted.  I don't want to weigh 200 pounds.  There I said it.   I need accountability. So I'll track my progress and relapses here!

What motivates you to loose weight?  I'm open for suggestions